waiting

my grandma is getting closer to being with God. which according to aunt cindy was who grandma wanted to be called after the heart group was called on new year's. now we are waiting for God to call grandma.

as i wait at hospice with several of my family members we remember our fond memories of grandma. it is nice to hear what stands out in each person's mind. there have been a lot of "oh i remember that" and "oh yeahs". a brilliant person had the idea to give grandma birthday cards with $5 in it for her last birthday. aunt cindy brought the cards to the hospital for everyone to read. she also said that as she read the cards to her at home later it only took her about 3 cards for figure out she was getting lots of $5 bills. there were several things that stood out for a lot of people: the juicy fruit gum, getting a coke at the elevator, her wonderful cooking especially her cobbler, gardening, and playing on the farm.

my grandma is an amazing woman. the things she has seen and lived through. the lives she has touched. it was wonderful to see how many of those cards mentioned that she is part of the reason that grandchild is who he/she is today. she is strong. she is caring. she is loved by so many. with so many grandchildren i never felt as though i was just another grandchild. she made me feel unique. she was so good about calling me and checking up on me and the boys. i am sure that she did that for everyone, but she made the time.

it is hard to watch her children. as a grandchild you expect this, it doesn't make it easy. you don't have the same connection as a child does, you visit and go home. but to be raised by someone and have to watch them die is hard. you can see the pain in each child's face. praying that she gets her wish, but still wanting to not have to let go. they have all been through this before, but i don't think that makes it any easier. my heart goes out to them.

it is quiet up there. which would disturb me if i were in that bed. grandma never had it quiet. if there weren't 100 of us running around making noise she had the tv blarring.

grandma, i love you. i pray for your wish to be granted daily. say hi to my dad for me (if it is permitted). i have the rosary you gave me ready-which i know i should be using it for you right now. you are a wonderful woman that i hope to one day be a fraction as good as you.

tara