the wait is over

my grandma passed away january 7th. it was hard to let her go, but on the other hand much easier than i thought. the realization that it was her wish to move on made it better. it has been hard to watch her life change so drastically over the past years. she was a strong woman who loved the land she live on. she farmed that land for many years. her body was tired and when she couldn't garden, you could really see the toll that took on her body.

baylee had a hard time at the funeral. when we pulled up to the church he asked if this was a funeral church. the 2 times he remembers going there have been for funerals. we were half way through the mass when he started crying. not a silent cry, but not a loud wailing. when we talked about it later he told me he was sad that he didn't get to know her better. that is what a wonderful woman she was. he had figured out that he missed out on a great thing. i hope that he keeps the memories he has of her. we also talked about how her sight was going and she could do the crafting that she loved to do. when he realized how horrible it would be to not be able to do the things you loved because your body was tired, he felt better about her leaving us.

one of my cousins and i were reading her obituary. we learned some things about our grandma that day. isn't it funny you know someone your whole life but don't know everything about her. she was born in fort worth and lived in claude. i swear she lived her whole life on the farm. that night i learned that she collected silver dollars. is it luck or did she plan to have one for every child and grandchild? i will cherish mine. one of my uncles said it best "it could be worth $15-20, but i wouldn't take $100 for it. it has more sentimental value." i learned something about him that night too.

i got to see family that i haven't seen in years. one of my cousins made the comment "how did a blind deaf lady get so much done." i agree with my aunt "grandma knew which job to give to each person." that is how she got so much done. and the threat of a cherry switch helped keep everyone afraid of her wrath.

i told someone today that i was going to declare today a new year and start 2009 off again. but now that i am typing this i realized that even though this year started out crappy i have learned a lot. and if i undid this year i would lose those lessons. so i hope the year gets better, because i don't want to change it, i just don't want it to keep going in this direction.

my grandma watched over me here on earth. if it is permitted i hope she continues to watch over me from heaven.

tara