Wednesday, February 11, 2009

my grandma

yesterday was a very weird day for me.

i had heard a rumor that my grandma had changed her will before she went to hospice. the whole idea of that put a huge knot in my stomach. i have always known my grandma to be a caring person. she always thought of others, every year i would get a birthday card in the mail before my birthday would arrive. but i never, never, expected anything from my grandma after she died. ok, truth be told i did expect something that she had made, it could have been a quilt, a crocheted tablecloth, or something along that nature. so to get a will in the mail was unsettling. to see my name along with my aunts and uncles made me stop. what made my grandma so concerned that she felt the need to make those changes. i believe that you work hard because that is what you should do, not because you need to leave something for your heirs. i never thought "well one day when my grandma dies..."
my biggest fear is that by her doing this, there is more harm done between family. i don't want anyone else to be angry at me.
but, i also needed this. i needed to know that someone cared that much for me that they felt the need to take care of me. i will be forever grateful to my grandma. not for what she left me, but for the what she did for me. she is the greatest example of what a woman should be, and i am lucky to be able to call her grandma. i am a better person for her being in my life. i have learned many things from my grandma. i hope to be the grandmother to my grandkids that she was to me. i hope when my challenge comes that i can be as selfless as she was. if not i did not fully learn her greatest lesson, compassion.
i love you grandma. i love you for the memories i have with you and for the memories you made with my children.