here we are again

the hospital. i really wish we could go a good looooooonnnnnnggggg time before we have to be here again.

today has been the scariest day of my parenting life. we have made a emergency room trip with payton, but that was completely different. with payton we were acting on the "what if" and trying to be proactive. today we were acting on the "something is going on and we need to figure out what."

i left the house without the boys because i woke up late. lee wasn't going to work until later so he was going to bring them into town to me later. his original plan was to head up just in time to go to his lunch with a client. for some reason they left earlier. lee was going to take the boys to get a donut. when he got to town he noticed that tayte was acting funny. he was making noises and trying to find a place to rest his head. he stopped at washington street and was getting on to tayte because he thought tayte was just being a normal kid and ignoring him. but then tayte started screaming uncontrollably lee pulled him out of his seat and tried to comfort him. nothing worked. lee called me and told me something was wrong and he was getting me and we were going somewhere.

i got in the car and tayte looked bad. he had a glossed over look in his eyes. he could focus on me. he could move his head in my direction when i told him to look at me but couldn't keep looking at me. i asked if he hurt and he could barely mumble a "yeah" but really more like he was breathing out, not talking at all. i asked where he hurt but got no real answer. his right arm hung by his side and he couldn't keep his body upright. he leaned on me the rest of the ride. we went to his pedi's office. he could walk a little but was not steady on his feet.

we went to the dr's office because i felt more confident with them because they know him and all my concerns with him. at the time i wasn't sure if that was the right choice, but am glad i chose that. the only problem was of course we got the new girl behind the counter. talking to her i thought i had made the wrong choice. apparently she didn't get the urgency. i understand that there are things you have to do, but when you have to repeat everything you say it gets extremely frustrating. she went to the back and talked to the nurse. as soon as carmen saw him you could see in her eyes she knew there was a problem. dr williams looked at him and within a couple of minutes she said we needed to go to the hospital. she asked if he could walk and he tried to take the most wobbly steps i have ever seen. we went to bsa and they within a few minutes were filling out the paperwork to get in a room.

while filling out the paperwork tayte looked at payton and yelled that he wasn't playing the game right. i have never been so happy to hear one of the boys yell at the other in my life. but that joy was short lived. we went to a treatment room so they could start all the poking and prodding they needed to do. tayte was such a trooper. he cried very little when they put in the iv. he could still not talk very well. he could name some people but then not be able to name them. at one time i was baylee. when we got to the icu room the nurse had to ask who baylee was.

he went for a cat scan and that came back normal. we came back to the room and he slept for quite a while. he is in an icu room so he can be monitored more closely.

so right now is just a waiting game and no real answers as to what caused his behavior earlier. and he is not acting like the kid we brought in earlier. he is acting like himself. he is watching his favorite movie bolt and repeating all his favorite parts. he is wiggling in bed and being loud and rowdy.

as i sit here tonight i am grateful. that is hard to comprehend even for me. how can you sit in a hospital room and be grateful. the are so many things that could be worse. we have been in this room all day and watched so many nurses and doctors going in and out of the room next door. we have been left pretty much alone. so no pestering is good.

lee is at home with baylee and payton. payton even as young as he is understands some of what is going on. he was gone when we left to get the cat scan and was so excited to see tayte when we came back. baylee is having a hard time with the whole ordeal. he has only known people to go to hospitals and die. he started crying and told me, "i hope what happened to papa doesn't happen to tayte." he saw the sock they put on tayte's arm and started to cry. the sock is there to keep the iv from being pulled out. but baylee had his own ideas of what that is. baylee called tayte tonight to talk to him. to tell him he loves him and to make sure he is ok. after he talked to tayte i talked to him for a while. baylee was concerned and asked me if tayte was his normal self. baylee my gentle heart is too wise for his 8 years.

today has been long. but today ended a good day. be careful what you pray for because it may end up happening but the road may not be the path you wanted.

thank you to everyone who came by, called, sent well wishes. most of all thank you for the prayers.

tara