the only advantage

so tayte and i had this conversation the other night:

• t: why is you tummy getting so big?
• m: because the baby is growing.
• t: oh, and then it will do this. puts his fingers together and points to his stomache, goes up his chest about 3-4 times. then puts his fingers to his mouth and acts like he is throwing up.
• m laughing hysterically: no that is not how the baby gets here.
• t: then how does it get out of your tummy?
• m: i show him my c-section scar. they cut me here and that is how the baby gets out.
• t: oh, that must really hurt.

so, i didn't have to explain how babies get here the old fashioned way and go through the whole thing about girls and boys being different. that is the ONLY benefit i have found in having c-sections.

tara

payton remembers

this is how the story starts:

lee popped off to the babysitter about being a celebrity, saying she has been in the paper a lot lately. she thought he was talking about being on tv. lee mentioned that i was on tv once and that if she wanted to see it they could watch it. apparently lee doesn't know what that kamr recording is.

a couple of years ago kamr did a segment on the soda fountain at the pharmacy. so when they aired it i recorded it. i know lame. but, it aired a month after dad died and every once in a while i watch it and am glad i have it.

so, i told lee that what he thought was me was really my dad. i made him watch it. payton came in the room while it was playing. i asked him who that was. without a second thought he said "papa." i started to cry because he was only 15 months when dad died. i was certain that he would not remember him. sure we talk about papa, but rarely do i show a picture and put the name to the face. so payton and i sat there and watched this segment on dad about 10 times. each time he yelled "that's papa."

he then told me that papa was at our house. really, where? i asked. yep, he is in our tb. so when i miss him i can always find him in our tb.

tara

why?

two young men have lost their lives. both entirely too young to be gone. one 20 one 17. i can't even begin to image losing a child. as a mother how do you continue? how do you get out of bed the next day. i keep seeing my grandmother leaning over my dad's hospital bed. crying, saying you aren't supposed to bury a child, you aren't supposed to bury a child. my dad was 58. and it was still so hard for my grandma to understand.

how do you say goodbye to two young men who barely had the chance to live? i picture these boys mother's having to tell their child goodbye. both of them taken so suddenly and not getting the chance to say goodbye and i love you one last time.

so tonight, i let my kids stay up later. i hugged them a little tighter. i kissed them a little longer. and i look at them and i am scared.

i pray that no one else has to go through what these families are facing right now.

both of these families are made of good people. good people that have had terrible, horrible, rotten things happen to them. i know i don't know the big picture, but the piece that i see right now sucks.

tara

unnerware

lee and i have been trying to get payton to wear unnerware (underwear). this is the conversation payton and i just had.

• payton: no unnerware, biaper
• mommy: you don't need a diaper
• payton: yes biaber
• mommy: do you need underwear?
• payton: no
• mommy: do you need to be nakie?
• payton: no
• mommy: do you need a hug from mommy?
• payton: no
• mommy: do you need...
• payton: i neeeeeeeeed ....a biaper.

this could be difficult.

tara

tayte update

so tayte's official diagnosis was he had a seizure. we don't know the cause of it and may never know. he fell out of a golf cart on saturday and hit his head pretty good. one doctor said it could be related another thought 4 days was a long time to have something manifest.

one thing i learned through this was that every sign you have ever been told about head injuries are not absolute. he showed not signs of anything, no unconsciousness, no vomiting, no head aches, and he remembers everything about the fall and the time after. so 4 days later he has his seizure, not the 24 hours that most think are the hours of concern.

how he reacted during his seizure was also something lee and i had never thought about. he didn't start shaking like we thought. he just kinda spaced out, couldn't focus on us for long. he couldn't speak no matter how hard he tried to get the words out. his speech was slurred and he had to fight to get the words out. there also was a long pause every time he was asked a question. it was definitely hard for the question to process and for him to get his answer out.
his right arm hung to his side, he was swaying from side to side, he was not able to keep his eyes in one place and he couldn't walk steady. it reminded me of all the things you here about a stroke victim having, but really can a 5 year old have a stroke?

right now he is as normal as he has ever been, with one exception: he cried when he couldn't jump on the trampoline. usually we have to force him outside to play, but maybe this change will stick. all his speech and motor skills are back to normal. we will never know what the cause was unless he has another seizure. then they will treat him for that other than a one time thing.

i am grateful that he really doesn't remember much about it. i asked him that first night if he knew why he was in the hospital. "i was trying to make my words and they wouldn't let me." he doesn't remember being in pain and he doesn't remember all the prepping the nurses did when we first got there. he was such a trooper throughout the whole thing. he did tell one nurse after she took his vitals for about the 4th time, "you've already done that." he really doesn't forget much.

tara

according to baylee

i really like the hospital because of 3 things.
1. the food-not usually high on people's lists of favorite places to eat
2. you gets lots of visitors
and
3. the video games- while tayte was getting his mri they brought in a playstation. so baylee is in hog heaven.

tara

here we are again

the hospital. i really wish we could go a good looooooonnnnnnggggg time before we have to be here again.

today has been the scariest day of my parenting life. we have made a emergency room trip with payton, but that was completely different. with payton we were acting on the "what if" and trying to be proactive. today we were acting on the "something is going on and we need to figure out what."

i left the house without the boys because i woke up late. lee wasn't going to work until later so he was going to bring them into town to me later. his original plan was to head up just in time to go to his lunch with a client. for some reason they left earlier. lee was going to take the boys to get a donut. when he got to town he noticed that tayte was acting funny. he was making noises and trying to find a place to rest his head. he stopped at washington street and was getting on to tayte because he thought tayte was just being a normal kid and ignoring him. but then tayte started screaming uncontrollably lee pulled him out of his seat and tried to comfort him. nothing worked. lee called me and told me something was wrong and he was getting me and we were going somewhere.

i got in the car and tayte looked bad. he had a glossed over look in his eyes. he could focus on me. he could move his head in my direction when i told him to look at me but couldn't keep looking at me. i asked if he hurt and he could barely mumble a "yeah" but really more like he was breathing out, not talking at all. i asked where he hurt but got no real answer. his right arm hung by his side and he couldn't keep his body upright. he leaned on me the rest of the ride. we went to his pedi's office. he could walk a little but was not steady on his feet.

we went to the dr's office because i felt more confident with them because they know him and all my concerns with him. at the time i wasn't sure if that was the right choice, but am glad i chose that. the only problem was of course we got the new girl behind the counter. talking to her i thought i had made the wrong choice. apparently she didn't get the urgency. i understand that there are things you have to do, but when you have to repeat everything you say it gets extremely frustrating. she went to the back and talked to the nurse. as soon as carmen saw him you could see in her eyes she knew there was a problem. dr williams looked at him and within a couple of minutes she said we needed to go to the hospital. she asked if he could walk and he tried to take the most wobbly steps i have ever seen. we went to bsa and they within a few minutes were filling out the paperwork to get in a room.

while filling out the paperwork tayte looked at payton and yelled that he wasn't playing the game right. i have never been so happy to hear one of the boys yell at the other in my life. but that joy was short lived. we went to a treatment room so they could start all the poking and prodding they needed to do. tayte was such a trooper. he cried very little when they put in the iv. he could still not talk very well. he could name some people but then not be able to name them. at one time i was baylee. when we got to the icu room the nurse had to ask who baylee was.

he went for a cat scan and that came back normal. we came back to the room and he slept for quite a while. he is in an icu room so he can be monitored more closely.

so right now is just a waiting game and no real answers as to what caused his behavior earlier. and he is not acting like the kid we brought in earlier. he is acting like himself. he is watching his favorite movie bolt and repeating all his favorite parts. he is wiggling in bed and being loud and rowdy.

as i sit here tonight i am grateful. that is hard to comprehend even for me. how can you sit in a hospital room and be grateful. the are so many things that could be worse. we have been in this room all day and watched so many nurses and doctors going in and out of the room next door. we have been left pretty much alone. so no pestering is good.

lee is at home with baylee and payton. payton even as young as he is understands some of what is going on. he was gone when we left to get the cat scan and was so excited to see tayte when we came back. baylee is having a hard time with the whole ordeal. he has only known people to go to hospitals and die. he started crying and told me, "i hope what happened to papa doesn't happen to tayte." he saw the sock they put on tayte's arm and started to cry. the sock is there to keep the iv from being pulled out. but baylee had his own ideas of what that is. baylee called tayte tonight to talk to him. to tell him he loves him and to make sure he is ok. after he talked to tayte i talked to him for a while. baylee was concerned and asked me if tayte was his normal self. baylee my gentle heart is too wise for his 8 years.

today has been long. but today ended a good day. be careful what you pray for because it may end up happening but the road may not be the path you wanted.

thank you to everyone who came by, called, sent well wishes. most of all thank you for the prayers.

tara

the things tayte says

tayte: mom, can i sit in your lap
me: no
tayte: i love you
me: i love you too
tayte: so that means i can sit in your lap?

tayte: baylee can i have a hug
baylee: yes
tayte: when you squeeze someone you say, "and i can just squeeeeeze"

he comes up with some of the funniest things. they may not be funny to anyone but me, but maybe that is because we have the same sense of humor.

tara

pool time

we haven't been spending as much time at the pool as we would like, that darned weather just isn't cooperating. but we did go hang out today. lee met us up there and that makes for the perfect time to take pictures. i don't have to watch to make sure one of them isn't drowning and get to take their pictures.

payton's thing this year is to "walk" the pool. he probably would go the entire way around the pool if he ever figures out there is more on the other side of the ladder. he moves one hand to the side then the second to beside the first. then over, beside, over, beside until he gets from the steps at the 3 foot to the ladder at the 6 foot.

story of my life, payton running away from me.

tayte has discovered jumping in. i am so glad because that is when they have the most fun. each and every time he jumps in from the side he yells "i believe i can fly." comes up out of the water wipes his face and does it again.

it looks like he is praying, but really he is "diving" i think. he puts his hands like this and then jumps in feet first.

baylee has decided that playing the various big kid games, most involving a football, are the most fun and the best way to occupy his time while at the pool. he is getting too big, too quick. just the other day i swear he was scared of the water. now he hangs out with the big kids and plays all those big kid games. but luckily for me he reminds me "no matter how big i get i will always be your baby." yes i have told him that a time or two hundred.

he was so proud of himself after this. "i swam the whole way and didn't hold my nose." lee has been giving him grief about that. i don't blame him i was the same way. i hate water in my nose.

we love hanging out at the pool. this year's goal: get tayte off the diving board. he might just do it.

tara

that's ok...

the other night tayte was climbing down from the bathroom sink and he scraped his stomach. i asked if he was ok and he told me yes. i looked at him and he had stuck his finger in his mouth to lick his finger. then he rubbed that on his hurt stomach.

later that night he came up to me and told me he had hit his head (he is a little clumsy... ok a lot clumsy). i asked if i need to kiss it and he told me, "that's ok i will just like it). so i guess a lick is just as good as a kiss to make an owie feel better.

only tayte.

tara

tayte's graduation

panhandle doesn't have a kindergarten graduation, so this was our first time going through graduation with a child. i almost got choked up.

he looks so handsome.

i was very afraid that he wasn't going to walk down the aisle to the stage. he stopped twice to look at everyone and with nudging from his teacher he finally made it down to the stage. when he got up there he stood. they sang 7 or so songs and and tayte sang one and then stood the rest of the time. that was the first time i heard him sing all year. everytime i asked him about the songs at school he says they are too hard and he can only do them in his classroom. he messed with his lips, hit his ear with his hand. did everything to show that he was not enjoying this at all. then out of the blue he fell off the stands. one of his teachers was standing on the side of the stage so she helped him up without much fuss. if you ask him about graduation he will tell you "and i fell." the sad part is that it didn't even phase him that he fell. he didn't really care.

here he is getting his diploma.

afterwards they came out to the seats to find their parents. he had his diploma like this for the final song and the kid behind him kept telling him, "tayte stop it." lee wanted him to sing more. i was just glad that he stayed up there the whole time. he really doesn't like things like this, but he was a trooper.

tara

foam soap

ok, we got some of that bath and body works foam soap. i thought it was crap because i couldn't get it to spray. i tried and tried but finally put it under the cabinet and left it there ( i have issues with throwing things out-i think in a past life i lived in the great depression). so payton found it and got it to work. i think there was too much stuff in there and when enough was pushed out you could shake it and really get it to work. we have 2 more bottles to test my theory.

here are some pictures of the boys with this stuff. it really is kinda cool.

here payton is shooting it at tayte.

tayte was not too happy about having it in his head.

payton thought it was cool to have it on his head.

here is a blob of the soap.

then i set the bottle down and it took on a life of its own. and it would not stop spraying for a long time.

tara

pee wee track meet

every year panhandle has the pee wee track meet. this is serious business, they keep records and everything.

baylee is halfway down the line here. he is running either the 50 or 75 yard dash. the kid would have a better chance of getting in the top 20 if he could run a straight line. he is not the quickest kid, but he has the heart to be good.

each kid has to pick 3 field events. this year baylee chose softball throw, bean bag toss, and hoola hoop. he had lots of fun which explains the lack of ribbons won. last year he did the frisbee toss and the wind caught it and it hit me while i was taking pictures. this year he chunked a softball at me, so maybe last year's wasn't an accident like i thought.

he got 4th in the hoola hoop contest, 3rd gets a ribbon. i had no idea he could hoola hoop.

the pre-k went out to watch the festivities. it was really funny because his teacher has a first grader. when she ran by all the kids jumped up, went to the side of the track, and cheered her on. then they all went and sat down on their letter.

baylee loving on payton. no matter what baylee can't get enough hugs from his brothers. he doesn't care that he is in front of all his friends at school.

they also had their teacher tie-dye their shirts. they went around all day calling themselves the cheese team.

and of course the day ended with popsicles while they waited in the stands for the relays.

lee left with the other two boys so baylee and i walked home. every "flower" that baylee found he picked for me. i ended up with quite a bouquet by the time we got home.

enjoy

tara

i didn't fall off the face of the blogosphere

it has been forever since i have posted anything, but that is because we have been busy (you'll see from all the posts that will follow).

to start off we had the boy scout cake auction. since this was our first one we (i) went overboard. i decided that i was out of my mind and was going to make an upright cake, i have never baked an upright cake. and i have never decorated a cake with icing except for the generic cover the top.

so i saw this rocket cake in a cookbook and decided that i was going to try to make it. here i proof that i made it myself.

baylee helped because it was for boy scouts. he wasn't too thrilled about putting the red hots on the cake but he did it without too much complaining.

here is the finished cake. that is a clear cup that makes the "cockpit" for the star wars guys.

the money that is made goes to help send the boys to camp. they had a lot of cakes, but not to many buyers. we bought 3 cakes. our cake went for the most $160. yes i was bidding on it too. the other cake in this picture went for $150. most of the other cakes were going for $30-40. they did end up making over $1000, so not too bad. i was super excited, i wanted my cake to go for the most. now i have to come up with one for next year.

tara

nutrition adventure

i told you we have been busy.

this is the last post for the day. and i will try to keep up. the last week of april until about now is so crazy busy at the store that i barely have time to think.

so nutrition adventure day is the last "wellness wednesday" of the year. each year they do a carnival type event that the kids have to go to each station before they can get their snack and call it done. there are several things the kids have to do. and yes most of them are with real food.

tic tac toe lemon toss

cucumber javalon throw

bell pepper toss

apple toss

grapefruit shot put

coconut bowling

melon weight lifting

potato sack race

tayte fell and was behind so the senior boy grabbed him, made him do super leaps so he could win.

carrot hop

strawberry race

then they have to put the foods on cards in the right place on the food pyramid.

then they can have their snack, but they also have to tell what food group it is in.

so i tell my kids not to play with their food and then they spend the whole day playing with food. this year baylee caught on and told me, "mom, i'm playing with the food." great. and i volunteer for this gig.

since we were up at the school we ate lunch with baylee and then the boys played outside. baylee waited at the swings yelling tayte's name so they could swing together. i am so proud of baylee. when most other kids would not want their kid brother bothering them baylee yells for him to come be with him. times like this i think lee and i must be doing something right.

tara

world's biggest bunk bed

we just got the world's biggest bunk bed. or at least i think it is the biggest bunk bed. it is a full over full with a twin trundle. we spent just as much on the mattresses as we did on the bed itself. then we had bought new clone wars bedding. the boys loved the surpise, they didn't know that they were getting the clone wars sheets and comforters.

baylee never would stay put long enough to get a good picture.

i thought this would be the last time payton would be on the top because he hated it so much. but that night when we were going to sleep he decided to climb up and give tayte and baylee a kiss goodnight, twice.

woohoo. the first time he did this he hit the fan. that is the big fear. so wish us luck.

tara

tayte turns 5

it is hard to believe that i now have 2 children over the age of 5. when we were at church yesterday father called all those who had a birthday that week to come to the front. first he had a hard time pronouncing tayte's name. he couldn't see how you could get tayte out of t-a-y-t-e. tayte was very excited to show everyone that he is a whole hand.

opening one of the many money filled cards.

his excited look after opening his new black ds. (this is the gift that keeps on giving because payton got tayte's old ds.)

after church we went to toys r us so he could get his raving rabbids tv video game he has been wanting. he also had enough money to get mario party ds. so 2 video games later we were leaving with one happy little boy. he had to put back the mario guy because he didn't have enough money. he really didn't have enough for the 2 games he got but lee and i pitched in.

i love these pictures. they are such an example of tayte's personality. sitting in toys r us looking at the video games. i wonder what is going through his head.

he is eating chocolate cake. he wanted birthday cake so while we were eating at chili's we let him pick the dessert. he picked the molten chocolate thing, but only had 2 bites. go figure.

this year tayte had very specific plans for his birthday: i want birthday cake in the living room with my friends and then we can play wii. remember this is the kid that nevers says anything. now if we can get him to change so we can have one party with his friend mackie. that way the moms can divide and conquer the party planning.

he is getting his birthday spankings here. every kid in class clapped and counted to five and one to grow on.

another thing he was very specific on was to have twinkies in class. don't know where that one came from. but he had them and loved throwing them at the kids in his class. one kid even told me "mrs. tayte, thanks for the snack." i think i make a good mrs. tayte.

in five years tayte has changed so much. he has always been a happy kid. even more so lately. he finds the simplest things funny. i love that about him. he sees something and belts out a large rolling laugh. he has grown so much in the last year. his speech is leaps and bounds better than when he started school. there is still room for improvement, but lots to be proud of. he is a kind caring kid. he truly tries to make his brothers happy. he is a great kid and i am lucky to share my mother's day festivities with him.

i love you tayte.

tara

mother's day

we had a great mother's day. i hope all of you did as well.

we had a busy day: lot's of things to do and so little time. we went to church. i got a rose at church, which was way cool. after the boys got out of class we went to amarillo. it was tayte's birthday as well so we let him go spend his birthday money, so off to toys r us we went. for some strange reason there weren't many people at toys r us, i wonder why:) then to acadamy for baseball stuff for the boys, the season is starting and we need to be ready. then we went to eat. we put our name in and went to walmart to look for a video game. is it me or does anyone else notice a theme of this day revolving around boys and not the mother? after we ate we went to get mattresses for the new bunk bed set the boys got. finally, another trip to walmart to get twinkies for tayte to take to school. and a stop at gamestop to look for the same game that we looked for at the first walmart stop. then back home.

i really did have a great mother's day. the day started with payton laying in bed with me and asking if i would "cuddle me." you really can't beat that. baylee and tayte had made crafts at school.

tayte made a flower with his picture in the center.

baylee made a plate that says you this is what you remind me of a sweet summer's day. baylee had is teacher send a note home that they could only give to their dad's asking for $10 to get the plate made. pretty impressive. and a also got a kindle. i have been wanting one since i saw rachael's. i used to read a ton, but haven't made the time like a should. so, since lee thinks this is the worst gift he could have given me i have to prove him wrong. he thinks it is a waste of money. i downloaded my first book, michael j. fox's "always looking up: the adventures of an incurable optimist." there are several books i have been wanting to read, i'm just to lazy to go somewhere to get them. the kindle and me a perfect match. ask me again later if i am still using it. hehe.

tara

ps. all the pictures used here were taken by baylee and tayte.

someone is using all my tampons

i never thought i would have to worry about someone using my tampons. but, i do. payton has decided it is his mission in life to open every tampon i own and pull them apart. i walked into the playroom today to check on him and found the box of tampons. paper, applicators, and cotton everywhere. it looked like a war zone. at least he left me a few.

tara

a little clarification

i guess i should have been more specific when i said i wanted people to leave comments on my blog. i should have said, "i would love for people to leave comments in english, on my blog." so if anyone is fluent in spanish (i believe the message is in spanish) and can translate that message i would love it. thanks.

tara

1st, 3rd, and youngest

we walked away today with 1st place in the wolf division, 3rd place in the outlaw (those not in boy scouts) division, and a trophy for the youngest racer. baylee had said that if we won a trophy they could share. so when we won 3 the boys were super excited.

our trophies and cars

baylee and tayte watching the big "screen" with the times. it really was the the side of the barn

they had to countdown before each race "3,2,1...go" and payton counted down each time.

everyone with their trophies

everyone who raced

baylee's car is number 8 and payton's the yellow one right next to it. lee worked hard on those cars and his hard work paid off. he was happy. but the part that made him the happiest was how excited tayte got. tayte doesn't get really excited about many things, so when he does we are all happy.

tara